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Instant Rapport

by Michael Brooks

Rapport doesn't require mutual understanding. Sharing rapport is like jumping inside the other person's nervous system and suddenly understanding how they make sense of reality. Think back to a time when you and a friend were first in rapport.

  • People are likely to fall into a rapport with others who are like themselves
  • People you get along with are people who're like you (at least unconsciously)
  • Relationships fall apart due to little or no rapport with one another
  • Create rapport by being like the other person
There are five sensory experiences - from early childhood we learn to use these five senses but as we grow and mature, one of those senses becomes dominant (it's our preference).

Taste & Olafactory senses are extremely rare in people, we tend to use either Visual (sight), Auditory (sound) or Kinesthetic (feel).

Visuals

60% of population are Visuals who gravitate towards art, design, and painting careers. They also tend to be excellent marksmen, pilots and firefighters.

  • Breathing style: high in the chest and often shallow
  • Voice cues: Tend to have enthusiastic, high pitched voices
  • Eye cues: look up to the right and left as they access and will keep them there longer
  • Language predicates: see, sight, picture, clear, focus, etc.. "That's unclear to me"; "I see what you mean"; "Can you picture that?"; "Show me".

Auditories

  • Sounds can send them into pleasureful or horrid states
  • More sensitive to their primary system than most visuals
  • Easily distracted by the most in-offensive sounds
  • Great verbal communicators
  • The loners of our culture (they tend to narrate life itself)
  • Eager to listen to other people's stories
  • Not as energetic as visuals but respond to smooth and elegant speach
  • Require smooth, non-manipulative presentation
  • May dominate patterns even and flowing
  • May dominate a conversation: Visuals may say, "She talked til I was blue in the face". Kinesthetics may say, "She talked my ear off"
  • Uncanny recollection of dialogue - can recall what was said and how it was said from the past
  • Contemplates problems from 101 different points of view
  • Words spoken to an auditory between lovers can stay with them a very long time
  • Predicates: hear, sound, say, tell, speak, remark, hear, inquire, ask, etc. "That's clear as a bell"; "Can we talk?"; "I've heard all that before"; "Do you hear what I'm saying?"
Kinesthetics

  • The Yin to the visual's Yang
  • Interpretors of the auditory dialect
  • Occupations: manual labor, hands-on, doctors, handicrafts
  • Voices: low pitched by speaking even and slowly and with longer pauses
  • Body types: lean and muscular (harder)
  • Eye movement: looking down and to the right
  • Loyal to a fault
  • Can be great lovers since touching/feeling is their primary representational system
  • Predicates: feel, felt, touch, grab, handle, hit, pressure, know.. "I know what you mean"; "I've got a feeling"; "let's touch base on that later"
Learn to create rapport thru language (vocabulary predicates).

Key: rapport is created when you use someone's representational system.

A strategy is a particular sequence of representations, that when followed uses a specific behavior leading to rapport. Unpacking another's Processing Strategies is how we develop deep rapport with that person.

For our behavior, we often lead with a strategy other than our primary one.

V = Visual
A = Auditory
K = Kinesthetic

V A K * V K A * A V K * A K V * K V A * K A V

To get them to unpack, you want them to slow down and replay for you some behavoir you'd like to figure out. Then you play it back to him to garner rapport.

Question Models:

1. "Ms Jones, can you tell me about a time when you bought a car & were totally satisfied & delighted?"

2. "Ms Jones, can you tell me the very first thing that made you want to buy that car? Was it something you saw? Something you heard? Or something you felt or touched?"

3. "Ms. Jones, after purchased that car, what was the very next thing that delighted you about it? Something you heard? Was it something you touched or felt? Or was it something you saw?"

4. "Ms. Jones, after you (A, V, K), what was the very next thing that had an impact on you with wanting that particular car? Was it something you felt or touched? Was it something you saw? Or was it something you heard?"

5. You must give a person their strategy using the correct order of syntax (V, A, or K) and deep rapport follows. This is critical in sales!

Visual Predicates & Syntax Sentences

1. appear
2. bright
3. clear
4. crystal clear
5. dark
6. dawn
7. enlighten
8. envision
9. eyes
10. flash
11. focus
12. foggy
13. hazy
14. highlight
15. illuminate
16. illustrate
17. imagine
18. light
19. look
20. observe
21. paint
22. perceive
23. perspective
24. picture
25. preview
27. reveal
28. saw
29. see
30. show
31. sight
32. sparkling
33. survey
34. twinkle
35. unfocused
36. view
37. visualize
38. watch

Visual Predicate Phrases:

1. An eyeful
2. Appears to me
3. Beyond a shadow of a doubt
4. Bird's-eye view
5. Catch a glimpse of
6. Clear cut
7. Dim view
8. Eye to eye
9. Flashed on
10. Get a perspective on
11. Get a scope on
12. Hazy idea
13. Horse of a different color
14. In light of
15. In person
16. In view of
17. Looks like
18. Makes a scene
19. Mental image
20. Mental picture
21. Mind's eye
22. Naked eye
23. Paint a picture
24. Photographic memory
25. Plainly see
26. Pretty as a picture
27. See to it
28. Short-sighted
29. Showing off
30. Sight for sore eyes
31. Staring off into space
32. Take a peek
33. Tunnel vision
34. Under your nose
35. Up front
36. Well defined

Auditory Predicates:

1. accent
2. ask
3. attune
4. clamour
5. clanging
6. deaf
7. dissonant/dissonance
8. ears
9. express
10. harmonize
11. hear
12. inquire
13. listen
14. melody
15. mention
16. music
17. noise
18. overtone
19. question
20. remark
21. resonate
22. ring
23. said
24. say
25. silent
26. sound
27. speak
28. spoken
29. static
30. talk
31. tell
32. tone
33. tune
34. undertone
35. voicing

Auditory Predicate Phrases:

1. Afterthought
2. Blabbermouth
3. Clear as a bell
4. Clearly expressed
5. Call on
6. Describe in detail
7. Earful
8. Express yourself
9. Give an account of
10. Give me your ear
11. Grant an audience
12. Heard voices
13. Hidden message
14. Hold your tongue
15. Idle talk
16. Inquire into
17. Keynote speaker
18. Loud and clear
19. Manner of speaking
20. Pay attention to
21. Power of speech
22. Purrs like a kitten
23. Outspoken
24. Rap session
25. Rings a bell
26. State your purpose
27. Tattletale
28. To tell the truth
29. Tongue-tied
30. Tuned in/Tuned out
31. Unheard of
32. Utterly
33. Voiced an opinion
34. Well informed
35. Within hearing range
36. Word for word

Kinesthetic Predicates: 1. affect
2. budge
3. catch
4. concrete
5. contact
6. feel
7. grab
8. grasp
9. handle
10. hard
11. hit
12. hold
13. impress
14. intuit
15. know
16. pressure
17. rub
18. scrape
19. slip/slipping/slipped
20. solid
21. suffer
22. tackle
23. tap (into)
24. touch
25. throw (out)
26. turn (around)

Kinesthetic Predicate Phrases:

1. All washed up
2. Boils down to
3. Chip off the old block
4. Come to grips with
5. Control yourself
6. Cool/calm/collected
7. Firm foundation
8. Floating on thin ice
9. Get a handle on
10. Get a load of this
11. Get in touch with
12. Get the drift of
13. Get your goat
14. Hand to hand
15. Hang in there
16. Heated argument
17. Hold it!
18. Hold on!
19. Hot-headed
20. Keep your shirt on!
21. Know-how
22. Lay cards on the table
23. Light-headed
24. Moment of panic
25. Not following you
26. Pain in the neck
27. Pull some strings
28. Sharp as a tack
29. Slipped my mind
30. Smooth operator
31. So-so
32. Start from scratch
33. Stiff upper lip
34. Stuffed shirt
35. Too much of a hassle
36. Topsy-turvey
37. Underhanded


About the Author


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